Living In Grace

Not the Update I Wanted. But Life is Not Perfect, Is It?

Two things of significance today:

1) John thinks my dialysis access in my arm is infected, so no dialysis today. Have to go have it checked

tomorrow. If "yes", it means 3 weeks of dialyzing "In Center"- where it is understaffed and every

treatment feels like taking a risk with your life. I cannot communicate the Sheer Terror this pus in me.

PLEASE pray that John is wrong. (I cannot see any signs of infection, but we cannot risk it).

2) I had to tell Cedars that I am in no place psychologically to be "active" on the Transplant List. Y'al

l know I have been fighting with myself for awhile on this, but it came time to tell them. I was dead

honest, and was told that the Dr feels he is "uncomfortable with me as a patient right now" and that I

am now Status 7 (On Hold Nationally).

I took a huge risk telling them what I did, but felt I had to. I was being told about the "400 patients that

want a place in the 6 clinic appts we have available for the next month", and in good faith could not

take up another one from someone ready to go.

Most likely, we will be moving to a Paired Exchange unit anyway, but my fear that the notes of this

conversation and the things said will be put in my 'permanent file' terrifies me. 

How will another unit look at me after seeing my Cedars file? Will another unit take me when I am

ready? The questions are weighing heavily right now.

I could sure use some prayer and support. I am really conflicted right now.

Well, that is the latest.

Kelli

PS: Most updates are now handled through a Facebook page called "Operation Find a Kidney for Kelli". Feel free to request membership in the group. All are welcome. 

6 years. Wow.

 

Just realized the date.

 

6 years ago, today, was my very first dialysis treatment and the beginning of this whole mess, journey,.

 

I was still working from home, helping the new clients of our company establish their phone support from soup to nuts.

 

At the time, no one outside my home had a clue as to what was going on with us. Meetings were held on the phone, and there I was hooked up to the dialysis equipment. 

 

What a busy time it was. 

 

I held that up for about 6 months before it all came crashing down in November. At that point, it all was just too much and I was forced out onto medical disability.

 

Rock on.

 

The last 5 1/2 years have had highs and lows. I truly believe there are a few things  that have held me together:

 

My family - I have the most amazing husband anyone in my position can ask for. He had done things, seen things, handled things that no human should be asked to do. In the area of "sickness and health" he got the short end of the stick. But, instead of walking out, he stayed and became the rock I depend on. My kids, though young when this all started, had grown and matured into compassionate, empathetic people. They may not always help out with a smile and a song, but they are great kids. 

 

My God.

 

My friends - Y'all have been an amazing and unexpected pillar of strength. Humor, Prodding, Kicks in the Keester when needed most, meals out of the blue, gift cards, financial support. It seems like when there is an unspoken need, someone just comes through with the answer. It continually amazes me and blesses me.

 

Humor. Where would we be without that, eh?

 

Here is 6 years of success. We are all still alive to talk about it. Amen and Praise God.

 

Hopefully, in another 6 years, transplant will be behind us. A sweet memory. And this wheelchair will also be a, well not a "sweet" one, but a memory nonetheless.

 

Thank you.

 

Thank you.