Hey everyone! Welcome to my Annual Update to the Blawg.

Ahem.

I cannot even apologize anymore for my lack of continuity.

So. I will just move on.

Just putting it out there, here we go.

I have basically checked out the last year or so. Checked out of everything. Mentally Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.

I have been fighting depression in the area of my general health. My inability to walk, being stuck in a wheelchair, needing a kidney, being turned down by Cedars.

I checked out.

Any emotions I have expended have been geared towards my husband and kid's happiness.

Me? Not so much.

Hence the lack of updates. I have generally not wanted to put out there in writing, on the permanent record, the fact that I am not the strongest, most spiritual, haveitalltogether kind of gal.

So. I have checked out.

And I realize that has to change, but I have no idea how- or if- I can. I say to my family I want to do this or that, but then I find a reason not to follow through.

And for those who know me- this is the Antithesis of Me. I am the Queen of FollowThrough and GetItDone.

Always have been.

But, not now.

So. There we have it. Out there. On the permanent record. But, I still don't know how to change it. So, I will not for now.

Where are we?

Hmmm.

Cedars is willing to talk to Sarah about being a living kidney donor, and we (John and I) are scheduled to go to Cedars for my annual followup on May 25.

But. I am afraid that if we go back to Cedars the can say No again. And honestly, I do. not. think. I could take that. Again.
So, I am afraid.

We have the second option of going with UCDavis. They participate in the National Paired Exchange Program, which gives us more options if Sarah is not the best donor.

The Paired Exchange Program allows a needing recipient who has a willing donor that is not a match to "exchange" donors with another willing recipient who has a willing donor that will not work for them.

Cool, huh? And there is an actual Registry of people out there who are in the same situation that I am in.

SO.

Do we stay with Cedars and risk rejection, or go with UCDavis where I have more options? I just do not know.

So. I am in limbo.

Anyone have any opinions? I would love to hear them. I would. Be honest. I need honesty.

So that is my whereareweinthekidneyissue?

Otherwise.

Jonathan just got back from San Francisco where his Choir and Jazz Choir competed. They were gone from Wed to Sun and had an amazingly fabulous time.

They sang at St Pauls Cathedral, which we also did when I was his age and in Choir. That. was. an. awesome. shared. experience.

He graduated from High School in a few weeks, and has been accepted to the University of Oregon (Yes, the Ducks). He is climbing the walls to get out of here, which is SO exciting.

We talk alot of it, and I love to remember how it felt to be on the cusp of everything. That Iamaboutobeanadultbutwanttostayhomewithmyparentsforever feeling.

The world is his oyster, and I am so ready to see if go off and do WHATEVER he wants to do. Whether I approve or not, whether it is "my" dream for him or not.

Just to be supportive of his decisions.

Kati just moved into a little one bedroom apartment in Sunriver, and is learning how to completely on her own. She continues going to dance classes, whether group or private, and has a new boyfriend whom she met at a group dance lesson. She is pretty happy, and that makes me happy.

There we are.

I cannot promise how often I will update, but as I know things I will let you know.

If y'all could be praying for me about, well, everything I would be appreciative.

Thank you :)