Dear Former Life,
I was sitting here thinking about you, as I so often do. I miss our times together.
I remember how you made me feel. All satisfied in a job well done and all. The spreadsheets, the cost benefit analysis, the way you and I would work out staffing issues .. sigh.
I remember my favorite time together- building full customer contact centers from scratch. From the empty building to a lean, productive, customer-centric machine.
Good times. Good times.
When we were together, I don't think I truly appreciate what we had together. I took you for granted, and I'm sorry. Truly. Can you ever forgive me?
It wasn't so much the moving up, the promotions, that excited me. It was the digging in and getting it done that did it for me. Knowing I was the "go to" girl, the "bring it in under budget, and with complete staffing and customer excellence" girl.
The rest was just icing on the cake.
I remember distinctly the day I had to tell you it was over. I had to leave. Forever. It broke my heart.
On one hand, honestly, I felt freer than I had in years.I had the option of seeing other things, with no ties to anyone.
Yet, now? I miss you and want you back. I think of you all the time. The way you made me feel needed and fulfilled. Desired. Like a human being with a purpose.
Now, I feel I have no purpose. No "me".
And I don't like it.
One of the most frustrating parts is that now, people who know me, only know me for this new relationship I have. And they have to see it as dysfunctional. Poor her, locked in the abusive relationship with no way out.
Do they ever wonder who I used to be? What dreams I had, goals I pursued?
Do they ever want to get to know me for me, and not for "what I have"?
I don't know.
And there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I can't have you back now. You are gone. Moved on to someone new. I'm sure you are very happy, and don't miss me at all.
John thinks I will be happy if I talk to someone professionally about how much I miss you. He may be right. He knows me very well. Better than anyone.
So I will give it a try. See if, after three years, I can get over you. Once and for all.
But, I wanted to let you know I did miss you.
Goodbye, old lover.I hope you are very happy.