That's how we're looking at 2007. A bad rehearsal. Which must mean that 2008 is going to be a great performance.
We're ending the year with a bang! Bloodwork that is the worst it's been yet, but a new game plan (again) to work on it. The insomnia still rules the roost, despite our best efforts with the Ambien CR. The med doesn't seem to metabolize in my system properly, so nights are spent in a hallucinogenic panic state, and days ... well, I'm like a zombie, devoid of thought and balance. Can you say "are we having fun yet?"
I've basically stopped driving in the last couple of weeks; I'm too nervous about how I feel to get behind the wheel. It all relates to clearances- how well my body is getting rid of the toxic buildup normally done throughout the day by the kidneys. Now that we know I've taken a significant hit on the function remaining in my one kidney, it does start to make sense.
Kidney failure is one of those things- it can happen all of a sudden, or progressively over time, or just when it feels like it.
The good news is I seem to be processing fluids on my own really well. Fluid overload is normally the first thing that happens when clearances are not good. But, I've not only kept fluid off, but lost 8 pounds as well. Over the holidays.
There was a shocker.
But, this month the BUN and Creatinine levels were sky high, and my hemocrit is down again. Hello, Anemia. So, I'm back to dosing 10,ooo units of Epo every day instead of three times a week. It seems the higher the BUN/Creatinine, the more Epo is takes to maintain things. So, hopefully, if we can adjust dialysis again things will resolve.
I've got appointments to meet with new teams next month in Nevada, about an hour north of here. We are also looking at something called Nxstage dialysis. It's an in-home hemo solution, done 2 hours a day every day (versus 11 hours day every day like I am doing PD now). There is a center in Las Vegas, which is about an hour away. The training is every day for 6-8 weeks, and both John and I will have to attend. Is this is the option we feel is the most beneficial medically, we will begin to look towards gathering things together to set up that trip.
Yes, it's been a frustrating month or 12. But, I'm still full of hope and commitment to my family and my life.
My husband is my rock, and is exactly what God knew I would need at this time in my life. Every day, so many times a day, I'm amazed at how he takes care of this family, of me, without complaint and with a gentle heart.
My kids are dealing, sometimes well, sometimes not. Same as anyone. But, they know they are loved. And that, above all, is what's important.
To all of you who have had struggles this year, who have hurt, doubted, questioned, wondered, cried.
Remember these promises:
He will never leave you nor forsake you. He knew you from before you were born. He knows that path laid for you. He died for you. He died for this. Nothing is a surprise to Him.
Take my hand. Let's walk through this next year together. I'll be there to pull when you need me to, and I'll allow you to pull me in those times I need it, too.
You are each a blessing to me. od put you here, in my life, for a reason. And I in yours.
May God bless and keep us all, safe in the grace of His love.